I think I’m writing this as a sort of self-therapy. I live with a gluten-free diet. Well, it’s not really a diet at all - it’s an allergy. I have Ceoliac disease. My body cannot digest gluten properly, and if it does, I’ll become physically weak and often violently sick. It’s not life threatening (at this stage), but it is a massive burden, and I myself often feel like a burden to others. However, I’m often a burden to myself. I don’t know why but I absolutely hate being accommodated for. Even though I know people want to help me out or provide for me, I hate it. I hate feeling like I’m a burden to others, even though most people accommodate for me out of kindness. I hate feeling like a special effort has to be made for me. It makes me feel like a dunce, sitting in the corner with a special hat.
Something I dread (and always have) in social situations is finding somewhere to dine, should someone suggest eating. I feel at my absolute lowest having to trail from restaurant to restaurant, inspecting menus and asking chefs, finding out if the menu is suitable for me. Now, I’m the first to admit - I myself am a big part of this problem. Even beyond my gluten allergy, I have very narrow dining tastes. Ninety-nine times of out a hundred, I’ll have a steak in a restaurant. However, it doesn’t detract from the fact that I often feel at my absolute lowest when dining in public. A case of particular embarrassment is ordering dessert. I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I’ve had dessert in a restaurant in the past five years. Usually I won’t even look at the dessert menu, even though I might actually want something. I’m not trying to gain sympathy here or be a martyr, I’m just telling it as I absolutely feel it.
I feel like I’ve gotten a lot better in the past year or two, however. My lovely girlfriend has been striving to help me try a wider range of food, and never makes me feel like a burden. Even though my Ceoliac condition (I hate it being called a disease - I didn’t catch it, did I?) can make me angry or very, very down sometimes, she’s never given up on me, and I hope she never does. This is not a case of me learning to accept my condition - I’ve accepted that I’m always going to have to live with it, I don’t have to like it, though. It’s more a case of finding peace with myself and my condition. I hope I’ll one day have the confidence to fully embrace it, and let it properly become a part of my life.
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- blownopen said: High five to fellow gluten free kaiju fans! It’s hard as shit and sometimes I cry at the thought of people accidentally making me cake on my birthday, but the positive changes to my body are obvious. You and I, we’re awesome.
- stevensloss posted this